this is a damn bitchy/offensive/stupid/boring/lame/meaningless entry. pls leave or u'll be offended.





fuck. i'm juz so feel like dying. i'm juz not in the right state of mind now. i mean like projects are juz crashing on mi. i've no fuckin idea how to do my java. there's no fucking someone to ask. n worst i've no fucking idea who to ask other than zheng long. but if everytime ask him oso paiseh seh. ahh. suckit lah. blehs. boo~

i'd enough. i'm not gonna giv any ideas again. hello? fancy having ask everyone but none giv mi any ans? it was dumb. pure dumb lahs. is it so hard to think of a time? juz giv mi a time n i wun bother u anymore wad. but den, wadeva. blame myself for being so stupid. to even think of lao-ing yusheng was juz way off. it was a stupid thing to do lah.

my poor nails are juz stained wif the black nail polish. haha. I WON MY COUSIN THIS YEAR! sort off. too bad for u. u n ur bf topic are juz over already la. they're bored wif u i think. they're more interested in us, sis n mi, i guess. =x bhb lahs, but yea, tat's how i think lahs. i'd enough of being compared by them lor. u're the so called winner the other times. but i'm not gonna let u win anymore. i hope. =P

first, ur bf dun realli click wif them lah. i think thomas n him will do a better job. since they seems more daring. n they are like hard core gamblers lor. =x haha. so they fit in nicely. LOL.

secondly, i dun mean to be mean. i dun wanna pin point. but i have no complete idea y u can last so long with him lor. it's not as if none of us noe u hav so many flings. it's juz tat u dun bring them to let us see. HAHs. n doesnt havin such a tall bf make things so hard. haha. like wad sis n mi like to say, isnt it hard to kiss or simple, put ur arms around his shoulders? blehs.

too much kissing isnt good. but as reports say, kissin allows u to exercise ur facial muscles. premarital sex is bad. but in this society, who really cares? benjamin once told mi tat 'do u noe in singapore, on average, gals lose their virginity at 17?' den i was like, wth. but u tell mi oso for wad lor. report shows sex makes u feel good. it makes u feel confident. it gives out i-dunno-wad-tat's-called which will make u happy juz like wad chocolates does. blah blah blahs. i dunno wad i'm tokin. i'm tokin crap lah. juz wanna release some stress. hahas.

look thru the pics on fiona birthday. i looked flushed. i mean maybe it's the heat or sth. but i really look kinda red. haha. aites, maybe is coz of his sweater too. stupid sweater. but i like. tsk tsk. blehs. it's mine already. U'RE MINE TOO. wahahaks. =P

dear darling pigggy, u're juz so addictive. muahaha. =P aites, I LOVE YOU! miss u so much. =D

no one for mi to disturb. my student is playing mahjong. BLEHS.

I WAN BAK KWA!!! any kind souls around n reading my blog? get my hint??? tsk tsk.

last but not least, FIONA, HAPPI BIRTHDAY! love mi lots okie? hehe. =))

niahahaks. HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR! aites, i noe today is abit late lahs. but.. yea.. u noe.. hahas. played by luck. haha. win, lose, won, lost. hahhas. sian la. didnt realli win lah. hahas.

chu xi, went around to find my shoes. in the end bought one heels at sunplaza. hahas. den went to my uncle's house for reunion dinner. the chilli was nice. not spicy one. tsk tsk. chu yi, stayed at home. chu er, which is today, went to my aunt's(dad's side) house bai nian before leavin for my uncle's(mom's side) house bai nian. bet abit. den had steamboat. kena attack by the wen's sister. i'll slap them like mad if they were my children. hahas.

so many projects not done yet. i'm soo soooo sooooo dead.

one of my cousin's getting married. 18th feb. wow. n now den i noe they stay in semb too. =.= hahas. so near to my house. so dangerous. cant imagine if i do something stupid wif my darling n they see it. OMG!!! hahas. and my ah yi say she saw mi at 7-eleven the other time wif my darling when they sent us home juz now. lucky dad didnt ask. but yea, HENG arh! hahas.

anyways, i love my pigggy~ i'm so in love with u. please remember it my dear. wahahaks. *muacks~ =D

damn. i'm still having headache. n it sucks completely. n to add on, i cant upload my song. dammit.

yest. celebrated fiona's birthday in advance. went to kiwi's house after sch. den left for bugis at bout 2 plus 3 i think. i forgot lahs. hahas. den so coincidentally hongyun n zul boarded the same train as us. so we all gathered at bugis with the rest. walked around to hunt for something for fiona. hahas. n huifang bought a skirt. cheers! met him. kop his sweater. wahaha. anyway bought a watch for fiona. den walked abit den went to seoul garden. actually i wasnt so into seoul garden. but yea, they reserved place there so might as well eat at there.

was super pissed at one time. but yea, lucky he was around some where. so went to find him. i seriously needed a hug. muahahas. went to the arcade area. watch ppl play awhile before going back.

they bought a cake for her. hahas. celebrated her bday inside. den coincidentally gt someone else celebratin bday oso. den all like celebrate together lydat. cs n xm got 18 scoops of ice cream for her. jy gt 18 hot dogs. WOW. haha. took some pics at the fountain. haha. the guys were forced to run thru the fountain. hahas.

i went to find him. saw lihui!!! haha. still so cute seh. wanted to show her him de. but didnt see her. so we left. they left for esplanade. went to play the game near the arcade. so tui seh. like going to get but nv get. haha. wasted bout 20bucks there. hahas. den went back to starbucks since his frenz were there. it's funny to see guys gossip. whahaha. think i'm so dead after sayin this. tsk tsk.

went home at bout 11 plus coz starbucks was closin. we boarded the last train. lucky seh. if not we can dun go home le. haha.

maybe things aint the same anymore.

watched fearless today. i think jet li seems fatter now. hahas. saw this abit crazy guy at timezone. realli crazy. he asked ppl to pay while he pay. hah! asshole. so wad lor. if wan play pay urself lah. n he was the guy who asked for 50cents while we were eatin. think he almost got into a fight with a ah beng. haha. but tat guy was simply too much lahs.

maybe dreams juz dun come true.

so many things to be done. exams coming up right after cny. sian lahs. n the ever-changin lights of the mouse is makin mi go crazy!! hahas.

super cut short version - scene - in a ballroom in the 40s, those olden days. had a simple gown on. looked around for someone i noe. but didnt see any. had a dance with someone i dunno. den suddenly he appeared. him being dressed very nicely, suavely. hahas. had a slow one before a much faster one. the main ppl werent us. but we had all eyes on us. eyes filled with envy. it was a beautiful dream though it's realli out of the way. i mean i dunno how come i'll have tat dream. but yea. =D

MOCHI GALLOPS. haha. sis says i'm jealous of her. BUT i'm not jealous of her! y should i?! hahas. anyway got scratched by berry. boo~

very much in love; in love with him. =)

sadded lahs.

blahs.

java test tml.

andrew did a damn thing. he spread to naz n xiaver(dunno how to spell his name) tat i was his gf. n xiaver shouted it out n asked. so wth m i supposed to reply?

juz give mi ur answer by tomolo if u see this entry. if not juz tell mi wad i'm supposed to reply to their questions.

i wanted to say alot of things. ask alot of things. but i juz kai bu liao kou when i see u. i hate it when i juz cant put it thru words. it juz hurts so bad. u were the first i wanted so much. the first. also the first i requested for it. but yea, since it juz so hard for u to accept it, den i've really gt nuthing to say.

IT JUZ SUCKS.

think nyp de aircon no need de. on so cold for wad? it was freezing cold lor. n noe wad's the best thing? i did not bring my sweater. HAHs.

fuck nyp pals.

hahs. i was damn attitude yest. super attitude. the first time i was attitude in nyp. some conflicts between us n the nyp pals. suckit lah nyp pals. blehs. hahas. fiona cried. den andrew like stunned seh. think he dunno wad to do. den he like scared it cry. den keep asking mi dun cry. hahas. weak la he. haha. n i dun juz cry infront of anyone lahs. not much ppl see mi cry b4 lehs. hehs.

i juz stared at them most of the time. especially the gay guy n that bitchy gal. xiao li chang dao onli lor. basket.

anyway i was super pissed. msg my student since i cant think of any one else to msg. hahas. lucky he gt reply mi seh. my mood was much better after tat since tat wasnt much thing to do n we simply juz slack around. chit chatted. hahas. i'm juz so mean. andrew asked two other guys to help out so tat we can go in pairs. n den nyp pals needed help. so i juz collaberated wif them askin them dun help nyp pals. wahahas. =P it was kinda boring. so zhenglong ask us some lame questions. i shocked tat i'm as lame since i could answer some. wahahas.

saw sly n oli. haha.

we went to eat. our food was so much better than the nyp pals one. at least we've gt rice, chicken, veggie n fish. n pathetic nyp pals onli have buns, cakes, popiah n dunno wad lah. HAHA. retribution. blehs. when eatin, i heard mmy name called. so i turned to see. den saw one gal. think is his fren lah. but i've no idea who she is. so weird seh. she asked if i'm his gf. den i was like stunned n wth, wad m i supposed to answer? so i juz kept quiet. hahs.

after eating, we simply slack around. coz there's like very little ppl already coz it rained. den went to find jm they all. lame around. hahas. mervyn was funny. den when everything ended, andrew took a goodie bag for us. den we took a pic at l438. hahas. hope it well be nice. think we're not supposed to be in it coz it was kinda for SIT ppl but anyways, we were in it lahs. tsk tsk.

finally everything ended. got a wristband. but it's pink. i like the orange one. tot andrew gt. wanted to get from him onli to realise tat's his own one. hahas. stupid seh. but anyway wristbands are simply too big for mi. hahas.

ya, something to add. ppl nowadays simply dunno how to giv way. n coz of tat, i keep knocking into ppl. especially some lao bei beis who like to block my way when i'm not lookin. boo~ asshole. hahas.

went to j8 de pasta mania. saw jes!!! wahaha. so coincident seh. hahas. chatted abit den went back to eat. saw wenjun, mel lee too. but dun think they saw mi. hahas. went home soon after. but i went to yishun to buy my top up card first. den jm shocked mi wif a qn of her. she asked if there's anything they did wrong or wad. coz she say like the bondin not there anymore. but yea, some things are better left unsaid. hahas.

knocked out once i reached home. didnt watch the show i wanted to watch to. missed leslie cheung's acting.

oh ya, i asked andrew a stupid question. 'hey, ask u huh, is the trend now for hair one patch one patch one?' LOL. =x haha. den he replied something not answering my qn. 'i is highlight leh.' hahas.

i'm supposed to do my project now. but i'm simply too tired for anything. juz realli feel like sleepin thru all my days. i'll be meeting him tomolo. =))

niahahaks. i'm at wani's home. hahas. been here too yest. ahah. was too bored lahs. cant be bothered to go home either.

yest:

helped out at open house. super tiring. but fun lahs. ma bought sweet for mi. but it was PARTIALLY MELTED. gave bobby one. haha. but i didnt expect him to really eat it. den i wanted to eat mine. he offered to help mi open it. haha. quite a nice guy. he opened it. looked abit sissy lah. but i'm not suppoesed to tok bad bout ppl. SO... he's very careful in opening the sweet. a very very careful guy. hahas.

jm n i kept running about. got cheated to the SBM block by some ppl. acctually we were okie with it lah. but they told us to faster. so we ran there onli to find out there's oso some ppl waiting to bring the students around for tour. felt realli cheated lor. make us rush there. n we found out tat the sch's onli reachin there at 1345. we were there by 1300. asshole. we wanted to leave coz we didnt noe the routes well. haha. so we tried to tok to the in-charge. but he say sbm lack of ppl. n say wad sit so many ppl dunno how to call own ppl help meh. den i was like wth lor. we're originally under sit. who ask them dun wan us in the first place one lor. den still say us. so i called bobby to save us. haha. he n andrew had to come personally to 'save' us lor. n those ppl didnt even bothered when they came n brought us away. boo~ so den, bobby say we were too easily cheated. HAHA. wad onli. anyway, think we left a damn big impression on them. the two easily cheated gals. haha.

went off at bout 6. went to my home first. bathe n took my dcn to go ma's house study. haha. but in the end, as per normal, didnt study. we tok n watch tv instead. hahas. went home at onli 11plus. got freak out by someone followin quite close behind. i heard those plastic bags sound. gt a damn eerie feeling. so sped up n rush home. den bathed n slept.

today:

helped out at open house again. but today was boring. coz no one i noe was at atrium with mi. so i asked bobby if i could join fiona at tour guiding. he let lah obviously. haha. how could he not let? i'm so nice when askin him. but think at first he oso dun wan let one. but i dun wan to be with evelyn they all. so bo bian. hahas. joined fiona. it's BORing. coz i simply didnt noe wad to do. hahas. i slack around. den went for dcn test. felt really guilty lah. coz i copied. i'm so bad. hahas. blehs. saw him. but he juz walked off. hais.

gt 2tees for my 'student'. went of at 5plus though i end at 4 to wait for her. haha. walked thru the dmd blk. quite nice lor the insides. haha. den waited for their teacher b4 we left. went to her house. on the train time. saw pw. tat bitch. backstab mi more lahs. she turned away to the other door when she saw mi. scared ar? since u dare to say u scared for wad? bwahs. den as usual, i was leaning on the glass. n there was this pervertic guy standin beside mi. he keeps lookin at mi lor. even when i turned n stared at him. he was realli makin mi damn uncomfortable seh. he alighted at admiralty too. n maybe i'm juz paranoid. but he seems as if he purposely move so near to mi when he alight lor. eww. asshole. tat's y i need a bf for. at least let mi feel safe. dun realli feel safe nowadays. blehs. hais.


recieved his msg. i'm so confused now. so so so so damn confused. actually i really have no more idea wad i should do already.

tml's gonna help out at open house again. hopefully it wun be boring. HOPEFULLY.

i wanna watch heirloom. anyone wanna acc mi? hahas.

i miss you. i really do.

i cant go online at home coz one of the monsters bit off the wire like wad they did to the mouse. hahas. stupid bunnies.

*YAWNs. i'm damn tired. i'm exhausted. k.o. liao lahs. lols.

if u were mine. i simply love this song. =D

lasted on lunch yest. wow. shocked. aites, i'm not supposed to do tat. but yea, i'm lazy to buy. n if i buy any more food, chances of mi being broke will be so damn high. i need an atm!!!! hahas. i'm juz kiddin.

pon lab today. simply to lazy to get up since dad's in the toilet n i cant bathe. so dilly dally, wasted time, n finally, decided not to go since lcy wun be in klass. met up in sch for lunch. saw his frens, alvina they all. i didnt see him. but yea, lucky we left for the library. studied abit for stats. but i simply dun have the mood. so msged someone so tat i wun be so bored since they were studying. thanx for replying my msges. hahas.

went for dcn. late as usual. den to econs. i passed!! wow. shocked. but tat bitch juz doesnt wan to give mi my another two marks. asshole. blehs. den sat for stats test. i'm so gonna fail.

jm say i look pale. hahas. funny. but yea, i cant be realli bothered. i'm simply too tired for anything now. returned home. went to see room n found fat fat missin. juz as i was switchin on the com, i saw something furry moving. n ta-da~ she was hidin in a shelf. haha. guess she gt chased by berry again.

i read the email huifang senton zodiac. if it's realli accurate, den i supposed he'll forget mi sooner or later. since i didnt meant anything to him in the first place. hahs! but yea, i'm so used to it le. n if it's realli accurate, den i'm so dead. especially those parts on health. hahas.

i'm still so affected. i juz take it as if nothing happened before coz there were too much between us. i tot u would msg. but u didnt. but yea, u dun need mi either.

i juz so wan a surprize now. maybe juz to see u, or juz ur msg. i think the pain is gettin worst. but i wonder, how m i supposed to tell the doc? tell him tat my liver is painful? hah!

there's SIT briefin for the open house tml. boo~ we have to wait bloody long for it. sians.

i'm juz so bored with life lahs. no one to find to go shoppin with mi since everyone's like busy with their life, studies. n i'm supposed to be busy wif my THREE projects. but obviously i'm not.

i've this mindset before. maybe i should die young. though i wun complete much stuffs, but well, there's aint so much to worry bout. even if something hurtful happens, it's juz end with death. n u dun have to suffer so long. coz i simply cant imagine mi being married next time, when i give so much but my husband have an affair or pass away leaving mi behind when breakups are juz hurtful enough. oso, u dun have to worry tat u'll become old n ur guy juz leave u for someone younger n prettier since everyone goes for looks in this world. n at least ur memories will be intact n nice.

sometimes i wonder how did dad managed it?

blah blah blahs.

maybe is juz so tiring to fake happy when u're not.

i think this song is juz so meaningful. wad i wanna express on the girl's part lahs.

things tat i wun find on other guys : you.

i think i'm gonna set password on some posts. figure out my pin if u can for those who hav my pin. if u dun, happy findin out. hint: numbers.

looked thru frenster coz i'm real bored. i need something to do b4 i sleep. it's funny how 'loving' we were n now we're nothing. funny funny.

blah blah blahs. time to sleep. *yawns.

yest:

went to bugis to change my thumbdrive. it was a boring n a so-not-nice journey. with no seats to sit, n these se bei bei lookin at u, how nice could it be? n i almost fell coz i'm no handle to hold on to n the woman ahead juz doesnt wanna move to let mi alight. FAT ASS! blehs. walked thru the super crowded bugis village. feel like dying. super lot of ppl lor. i'm like squeezing my way thru the whole time. n with ppl cutting my way, it's like i was stuck there for bouth 7 to 10 mins? boo~ anyway juz as i've finish cutting thru my way, it drizzled. so damn suay. i was like tryin damn hard to figure out the way to simlim without gettin lost, in the rain.

finally, i reached simlim. went all the way up. as usual, the guys stared. it's like wth lor. boo~ anyway changed my thumbdrive. so petty lor. can u juz give mi the whole new set? still muz change here change there. wouldnt it be the same since i've not used it abit? duhs. lousy cust service. hahs. n i lost my way when i wanted to leave. but lucky i managed to find my way. this proves tat u shouldnt go out alone when u dunno a place well. u should bring a dicrectory around. HAHA. n one more thing. guess i shall never go to bugis on a sunday ANYMORE unless there's someone with mi.

i observed something on the way there n when i was headin back. ppl nowadays are gettin richer while i'm gettin poorer. saw this young gal wearin guess kids. n saw a teenager all dressed in roxy, guess, n wadeva. the mom with all these diamond rings, taka jewellery bags n the dad, whoever tat it, was bringin them to town to shop some more. wow! i'm envious. hahas.


also, i've a weird dream. but quite a nice one. i dreamt tat i had a tiger cub as a pet. it was like HAHA. how could it be lor. lol. it was a nice but dumb pet. it tried to eat the fake orange mousie sly got mi on my birthday. haha. super funny. super cute. but somehow he was in my dream too. no wonder it's so hard to forget.

it takes two hands to clap. since u're so hostile, wadeva tat word should be. den forget it. i will never trust ur words again. once, i treated the one i like super nicely. but i've since decided not to be nice anymore since i'm taken granted for. thus, i've treated the one i love more meanly. but i've see thru it. leave if u cant take it. stay n i'll onli love u more.

blackouts are juz happenin more than often to mi now. n i knock into a wall because of tat. hah! how nice. think it's a sign tat i should get a doc soon. but well, i'm too lazy. n the polyclinic is far. n i'm broke. n sis's too busy wif thomas. blehs.

wasnt able to sleep. slept at onli bout 4 plus 5 plus. i seriously regretted sending out tat msg. not the answer i'm lookin for. y should i disappoint myself over n over again?

i received a msg from a person i least expected to msg instead of a person i most wanted. but thanks anyway for getting back at me this way.

it's more than wad word can express. y not u tell me wad i should do?

there's stats test tml. i'm so sian. think i'd fail. * touch wood. hahas.

okies, i'm done with my whinning. ciaos.

boo~ didnt manage to catch a wink. it was super noisy outside. with police cars n ambulances n fight engines going around? i doubt how quiet it can be.

washed my curtain. almost died. but wash one onli. it's DAMN HARD TO WASH LOR. den some more no one to help. boo~

smsed wif cunsheng. he was shocked at the outcome of us. hahs.

i seriously think fat fat is sexually confused. she tried to rape mochi. omg. hahas.

blah blah blahs. i'm still bored. plus hungry too.

stacy called to ask mi work tml. wow. but i rejected. coz i need to carry on with my planned-plans. hahs.

the pain is back. damn.

ahh~ i'm bored.

yest (fri the 13th):

sch's boring. didnt even bothered to do the prac teacher ask to do. den saw mr lim. hahas. tok to him. den he ask to go sign up as helpers for SIT club. so we went to level 6. waited for anders since fiona knows him. den he appeared. den he said onli 7person signed up. i checked n my name was missin. asshole. blehs. but yea, cant be bothered. den went to simlim to buy thumbdrive wif fiona. look around n bought sandisk one. n how nice. my thumb drive doesnt work. fiona's work. damn sian. hahs. ate at bk n den walked around bugis village. bought a skirt. it's quite short lahs. but yea, i cant be bothered again since i think it's nice. walk around. saw another skirt tat's nice. juz as i turned to ask for the price, i hit into a hanger. super sian lor. wth.

went to parco. walked around. shop around. saw a top which was realli nice. with a crown on top. haha. but it's ex. bout 30 plus. boo~ den guess wad? we saw AH NEH n the gal. hahas. fiona tap him n we left. dun wanna be too bright. hahas. went home soon after. saw three guys in white tops. n one of them tok like as if he's so handsome. hahs. check out the mirror lahs. u aint tat handsome afterall. ur fren looks better than u. on the train. saw this couple quarrellin. n i think they should juz break off lah since the guy dun even giv the gal any respect. he was busy msgin while the gal was tryin to tok. hah! asshole.

in a quarrel, when the gal juz walk off. juz pull her back, coax her a little n things would be fine. maybe i had too much tv serials. but so coincidentally wad the show portrays is wad a perfect bf would do n very much wad the gals/ladies would love. tat's the simplest thing a guy could do during a quarrel. gifts, roses might work once in awhile. but it wun work forever. vulgarities would be a great turn off. guys, please be romantic, even if u're not, juz for ur gals.

n there were these typical singaporeans who dun bother to give way. if not they'll juz knock u away with their bags n leave. suck it lor. cant u even apologise? sucha bad day.


i hurt my wrist i think. somehow.

sis say - dun bother bout someone who cant be bothered with u. someone who cant even be bothered to reply ur smses or even to sms u even if u've been together for a long time. blah blah blahs.

received a msg juz when i was going to pack my room. i had plans but my plans are spoiled. spoil my mood to pack. wadeva. shall juz go sim lim myself n get it changed. but it seems as if it's gonna rain soon. hopefully it wun la. especially tml.

i wanted to see u. but forget it. i made the wrong step in the first place by gettin ur num first. u were the first n the last. i so wanna juz open my door n see u out there. but tat juz wun happen. tat's juz not the things u would do. tat juz wouldnt happen. i miss u. i know i do. u changed my life. u were my special one. u were my everything. n i noe i cant afford to lose u. but do u even noe? do u even care? i doubt so.

the moment i showed uncertainty n was unsure with everything, unsure the road ahead, the least u could do is to give mi assurance. reassure mi. reassure mi tat u'll be there, be there for me. but u didnt.

i dun care who's right or wrong. i was sarcastic/sassy. i wanted u to change for me. but guess i'm juz selfish. i juz wan everything to myself. for myself. i juz wan to be pampered. pampered by u onli. i juz wanna see how u react to things i do. see if u're willing to do any n everything for mi. see if u realli love mi. but things juz aint headin where i wan it to be.

i had enough. enough of calling, tryin to wake u up, smsin u when u dun answer my calls or reply my msges. or even when u juz head back to sleep but say u're awake when u've classes. or when u go clubbing, or when u drink, or when u fall sick n refuse to see a doc, or when u take ur ridin test n u say u fell. do u realise how worried i'll get? no, i dun think so.

i hate it when u juz ask mi to be strong when u noe i'm not, i cant be n i still need someone to rely on. the words, be strong, juz sucks la. u cant expect ppl to be strong when something happens. when something devastatin happened. especially the first time i heard it back in sec2. after the funeral. after everything crashed on mi. after i've see thru everyone with the disappointin conclusion where no one's there to help n i have to pick up the pieces on my own leading mi not to trust much ppl now. n on the day where things start anew for mi, u juz had to say it, for the sake of saying it, n make everything/my world crumble again. so thanks pigtong for coming on tat day. i realli appreciate it.

when reality is juz so different, i juz wanna find someone who will crown mi. crown mi as his queen. dun think anyone will understand wad i'm toking. but guess/hope/wish there'll be someone who would figure it out.

the previous one ended some time here too. shall see the next one if there's a next.

my gums bleed n i dun have the slightest idea why. shall see the doc soon. but actually, i cant realli be bothered. hahs.

i had another nice, wonderful dream. but like the one before, it's never gonna happen. but maybe it's good. coz u cant predict wad's gonna happen in real life. for example, u may be laughing n all happy now, but for the next moment, u may be juz knocked down by a car n in a critical condition. in my dream, we may be both happy. but in real life, things aint tat perfect. things juz aint. n i've no complete idea why the hell u're in my dream when u're not mine anymore. in my dream, u cherished mi. but in real life, maybe u dont. dreams can be juz so perfect at times. u juz get to do things u cant in real life.

i'll post up this two dreams if things ever got better. n if i can try not to try so hard to forget it.

i've been almost always making the first step to the guys i like. but ya, i'm tired. i'm juz tired to make the first move now. i'd enough making the first move. i took ur num, msg u, tok on the phone wif u, went out wif u etc. did many first times wif u. but it's over. i'll juz see who makes the first step next. things get more n more complex. things tat could be done gets more and more. so i thank you now, for all those hugs n kisses.

too many things going thru my mind. i've simply no mood to blog. shall proceed to sleep now before i carry on wif any projects.

i wan a hug.

sim lim sq tomolo.

one word: observe.

5 words: listen. listen to the lyrics.

got my bill. shall pay it tml if i remember. n i need to bring a thumb drive for mi, oso if i remembers. having short term memory currently.

woke up at 8plus in the mornin to prepare to the meetin for the open house onli to find out we went to the wrong one. but damn lor. i'm scared tat we will hai dao mr lim soo khim. hopefully nothing bad happens to him. if not i'll be damn guilty. n all the other tutors/lecturers/coordinators, wadeva they are called simply sucks lah. all tryin to push the blame to SIT teachers? u guys should go to hell man. if u dun even noe who ur staff is n cant even coordinate activities wif other ppl in the first place, u have no rite to push the blame to them. 笑里藏刀 lor. asshole. waste my time. bitch seh. still say wan find him out ask y he anyhow email out to us. he has some position in NYP lor. so who r u to say him. damn ppl.

sch was overall okie other than the stupid activity. blehs. saw wenjun. but he doesnt recognise mi. idiot. hahas.

wanted to send u to work. but guess i nv had the courage to do so. not then, not even now, never the future. 7 n tat's it. we're thru i guess. the honeymoon period is over. wo yao de tai duo, ni gei de tai shao. zhi xi wang ni guo de bi wo hao. i juz to be pampered by u. but it aint gonna happen anymore. guess u're better off without mi. back to square one. no, not even square one. before square one. loving u sucks, but i still do. guess i'll juz have to let you go.

new year's coming. think sis would be bringin thomas around to 拜年。 but i've no one to bring. den i would be so bored. so guess i shant go 拜年 if she's realli bringin him along. if not i'd have to one to tok to. den everything will be bad. =(

it rained as i walk home. damn drenched. but since i've not recover from my flu yet, it doesnt matter. does it? hahs. feelin damn tired. no motivation for sch anymore. more n more projects to be done. BOO~

juz dun feel like thinking anymore. i juz miss mom. she was the onli one i could fall back on then. den, it was him. ya, i noe. i do not noe how to express myself properly thus leadin to all those quarrels, screamings n shoutings. but wadeva, it doesnt matter anymore. nothing matters to mi anymore.

i juz wish to sleep forever n be struck in unreality. be it the best dream or worst nite mare. but of coz it's better to be struck wif the best dream i ever had n could remember. it was the sweetest dream i could ever have to date. but still, it's juz a dream. it wun n nv will come true. dreams are juz like hopes tat can nv be fulfilled. i only really got/have/own/wadeva u in my dream. how could i ever forget u?

need to check out the vet's price. flip's got a deep cut at the mouth area. he's getting depressed, unhappy. like mi. hahs. but i'm still considerin coz heard tat it's damn ex to go to a vet. but den i cant bring flip to the clinic/hospital rite? hahs. gotta find someone to accompany mi go. but dun think anyone's free for mi. blehs.

having a damn headache rite now. boo~ i need food. haha.

the pain is bad. maybe i should really see a doc in case it's something serious. i noe i've been saying this for tons of times but i havent see any docs. den again, i dun like going to the doc alone. in fact, i hate it. so wad if i see a doc? if it's something small, i'll think it's a waste of money. yet if it's something big, i'd rather not have seen the doc in the first place. i'd rather live my life without knowing it. perhaps i might live happier lydat. but perhaps, i may not again. ahh~ wadeva now. cant realli be bothered. i'm so not rich. shall juz spend those cash on something more useful.



- things tat werent meant to be forgotten in the first place got lost gradually -

this was sent to mi by fiona a couple of days ago. kinda true. thus, i decided to paste it over here. *impt. hahs.

Boys & Girls These are some facts about girls:

When a girl says that she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means that she's crying in her heart.
When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her some time to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.
A girl can't find anything to hate about the boy she loves (which is why it is so hard for her to 'get over him' after the relationship's over.)
If a girl loves a boy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.
When the boy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt.
A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually not sure how to react to them.
When a particular boy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the boy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?
If you don't like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.
If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.
Girls enjoy talking about what they feel. Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).
Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.
Being too serious can turn a girl off.
When the boy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start telephoning her friends to spread the news.
A smile means a lot to a girl.
If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you.
If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave.
But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, stay.
Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.
Hearing the words "I ? you" is a great reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.
After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll wonder why she never noticed him before.
If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, read romance stories.
When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.
A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the boy she loves now stays in her heart.
Girls love having fun!
A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.
A girl's best friends usually knows best what she is feeling and going through.
Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.
Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, in this order.
Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a boy who will love and care for them.
Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

When girls says:
FINE This is the word that girls use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. NOTHING This is calm before the storm. This means 'something' and you should be on your toes. arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually ends in 'Fine'.
GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by boys. A 'Loud Sigh' means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time arguing with you over 'Nothing'.
THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a girl can make to a boy. 'That's Okay' means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding on how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS A girl is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

*Never do these to girls:

make her cry (never ever let a girl drop a tear for you!)
compare her with other girls (the least thing you want to do!)
let her wait (this is very important!)
raise your voice at her (if you don't want her to leave you!)
neglect her (try it and she'll say goodbye!)
force her (no forcing please!)
humiliate/insult/criticise her (that's the worse!)
order her (she's your girlfriend, not your maid!)
show her disrespect (we girls need respect like you boys too!)
lie to her (please be honest! honesty is the best policy in relationship!)
leave her alone (she needs you every now and then!)
pretend (be the real you!)
be insensitive (girls are sensitive, so please be sensitive towards us!)
be domineering (never even be possesive!)
take her for granted (although she's yours now, but treat her sweet!)
rank her with your friends (she's always number 1 in your heart!)
sleep with other girls (ha, if you want her to leave you, do it by all means!)
forget the goodbye kiss (leave her a lingering feeling!)
forget to hug (girls love hugs!)
forget the 3 words 'I ? you' (this means a lot to them!)
spend her money (boys, be take the initiative to buy her clothes etc! so she'll be pleased)

*What boys should do:

Boys should NEVER make a girl waits.
Boys should ALWAYS BE THERE for their girl.
Boys should NEVER LIE, because the girls are SMART these days.
Boys should ALWAYS be the BEST in everything, so that the girl can learn from boy, but don't be too arrogant.
Boys should be MORE patient and understanding when its the "time of the month" for the girls. They tend to have MOOD swings.
Boys should learn how to SHOW more AFFECTION to their love ones.
Boys should ALWAYS take the FIRST step.
Boys should MAKE DECISIONS. Don't say " don't know or anything " Girls like boys who can make decisions, whether is where to eat or go or do. Girls can give opinions but not EVERYTIME when the both of u go out.
Boys should try to SEND their girl home from school or work if they have the time despite the distance..
Boys should learn to call and sms their girl any time of the day & nigth. Basically give their girl the sense of SECURITY. That is what girls want from most of their boy.
Boys should TRY to let their girl know where and what their doing all the time. So should the girl.
Boys should NEVER flirt around too much. Everyone would know that you are a jerk. Girls can gossip quite a lot.
Boys should learn to be MORE passionate.
Boys should KNOW their girl's contact numbers by heart.
Boys should NEVER force their girl to do anything that they don't want.
Boys should always TALK to their girl about their made-decisions and ask feelings about it.
Boys should NEVER always expect a GIRL to tell them WHAT THEY DID WRONG, when EVERYTHING was WRONG.
Boys should NEVER be ignorant!

How to tell if a boy likes a girl:

The boy will try to make you laugh.
He'll flirt with you when he can.
He might try to show off around you.
He'll help you out, if you ask for it.
He'll stick up for you when you need it most.
He'll be friendly to you and all your friends.
He might call you for no good reason.
He might make fun of you, in a joking way.
He'll tell you that you did good, even if you did horrible.
He'll make eye contact with a happy grin on his face.

How to tell if a girl likes a boy:

The girl will laugh at all your jokes.
She'll stare at you with a smile on her face.
She'll ask you who you like, continuously.
She might try to make you jealous.
She'll beg that you do everything for her.
She might start talking to your friends.
She'll talk to you about the different varieties of guys.
She'll always seem to be talking about how nice you are.
She'll always be flirting with every other guy except you.
She'll always ask what to do in a bad situation.

*What a girl's action means:

If a girl cries in front of you, it means that she couldn't take it anymore.
If you take her hand, she would stay with you for the rest of your life; If you let her go, she can never go back to being herself anymore.
A girl won't cry easily, except in front of the person who she love the most, she becomes weak. A girl won't cry easily, only when she love you the most, she put down her ego.
Boys, if a girl cried because of you, please hold her hands firmly, she's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life.
Boys, if a girl cried because of you, please don't give her up, maybe because of your decision, you'll ruin her life.

Signs of boys fallen in love:
He willingly do anything n everything for his beloved.. with sincerity not coercion.
He constantly wants to humour his beloved and tends to be more talkative.
He tends to advise his beloved more as he truly loves her and wants her to be a better person
He tries to restrict her freedom due to his overwhelming jealousy.
He constantly fears losing his beloved.
He always monitors his beloved's movements as he feels insecure.
He hates the idea of other guys being close to his beloved.
He becomes jealous and sensitive when his beloved pays less attention to him.
He becomes the most hardworking person and helps his beloved to do anything and everything.
He becomes restless wen his beloved's away for too long.
He cares for his beloved more than he does for himself.
He constantly asks if his beloved loves him as he feels his love is greater than his beloved's.
He would not be bothered with other girls who don't hold any importance to him.
He will try to spend a lot of time with his beloved even though he knows he'll end up waiting for his beloved.
He praises his beloved in front of others.
If his beloved leaves him, he can't trust any other girl and wishes for his beloved to come back to him.
When there is a third party, he loses his mind and is willing to do anything to fight for his beloved.
He makes sure he ensures her safety at all times.
He is like a small kid who fights for constant attention from his beloved.
He treats his beloved as his most trusted one and willing to sacrifice all of his wealth and even his life for her.
He keeps asking his belove whether she loves him not.

*When a girl:

When a GIRL is quiet,Millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing,She is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions,She is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds, She is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you, She is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest, She is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL calls you everyday, She is seeking for your attention.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday, She wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL sms's u everyday, She wants you to reply at least once.
When a GIRL says I love you, She means it.
When a GIRL says that she can't live without you, She has made up her mind that you are her future.
When a GIRL says "i miss you",No one in this world can miss you more than that.
When a GIRL cries because of you,She is the person who loves you the most.

Girl's mind:
In the presence of him, you pretend to ignore him, and look away. But hoping that he'll look your way.
But when he is no longer there, you look around to find him. And get so disappointed to know that he is gone.
Although you are talking to someone else, your eyes are fixed on him.
You find your textbooks filled with his name. And in the midst of your school desk, you could actually spot his name there.
Everytime your handphone beeps, you hope to see his name. When it's not him, you get so depressed.
When your phone gets quiet, you have the temptation to sms him.
When he doesn't reply, you let your imagination run wild and get so sad.
Because you feel unimportant to him. And sometimes wonder, if he had even forgotten your existance.
Three quarters of your handphone inbox are his smses. And you find yourself unable to delete any one of them. When you really have to, you feel your heart ache.
When there's a new movie out, the first person you WISHED to watch with, is him. But always end up watching it with your friends.
When people mention the words " Valentines Day", the first thing that appears in your mind, is his name.
You realise that your conversations with your friends never fail to include him in your topic.
You worry if he would fall for someone else and it hurts when you know that the person will never be you.
You find yourself getting so affected by just one word or action from him.
Sometimes you get angry with him for some reasons and feel yourself hating him. But once you see him again, your heart melts and find yourself loving him once more.
You swore for more than a hundred times never to sms him again, but found yourself sending a message and the receipient is him.
You try to forget him but got reminded of your memories with him.
Many times, you force yourself to stop liking him. But found it even harder than killing yourself.
You try to convince yourself, that you dont like him anymore. But find the person on your mind to still be him.

sch's so so so boring! had some make up classes for yesterday's miss. durin lect, received his msg. tot things could be fine. but well, i'm wrong. guess i'm always wrong when it comes to these.

idiotic weather causes mi to be down wif flu n be freezed all the time. boo~ it feels like dozens of work are piling on mi. gonna get crush soon lahs. so many hw n projects to be done. i'm so not going to make it.

tears juz fell. continuously. but y do i even cry? when u dunno wad i wan. not then. not even now. i dun wan any tian yan mi yu. i juz want you by my side. but u were nv there for mi especially when i needed you most. you were my prince. you once said u're never givin mi a chance to let you go. but u've made mi reconsidered tat sentence to whether u realli meant wad you've said, OR u juz say it for the sake of saying. n if wanting to meet u earlier, being with u for a longer time, wanting to spend the whole day wif you, having u to myself is wrong, den juz forget it. let mi never see u again since we were never meant to be. but i still love you.

death juz hit mi down hard. i'm juz afraid tat flip will die at this rate, fightin wif berry. =( it juz so happens to coincide wif my dream. i'm always rite wif my bad predictions. good things nv come true.

i'm juz sad/numbed/wadeva.

dreams are juz dreams. nv will they come true. even if it's so real. dreams are not reality. i hope my new yr's eve dream can come true. but it's juz so-not-going to happen.

blah blah blahs. it sucks lahs. i shall juz plan my days ahead. like going to the bank, payin my bill, gettin my lens, go shoppin n all. i'm gonna be so damn broke considerin tat i might have to bring flip to the vet if he's injury worsen. arghh~ i need spare cash!!!!

blehs.

wad's the point of mi doing every single thing i can when u dont even appreciate wad i do in the first place? shucks.

flip's hurt. damn.

such a bad day. i hate the 10th of every month. realli hate it. thanx for givin mi every hope n shatterin every single one of it like it's nothing.

if u cant even make any effort to juz to wake up n meet mi on this day, den fuck off. n juz for ur information, i simply have no mood to go out after certain time. aiya, i cant be bothered any more if u urself dont even bother in the first place.

blahs.

yest:

it was cs birthday. celebrated in sch. had cakes n cake fights. got shocked when i saw ah neh's face. anyway they continued the celebration at nite with steamboat. n mi? i went to town. straightened my hair coz i'm damn irritated by my hair since it's super dry. so tat's when i decided to straighten it since there's free treatment. at first tot of juz treatmentin my hair. but den, decided not to since i've to keep treatmentin my hair. since so, i decided on a one time investment - straightenin, after much considerations. hahas. cut my fringe. n now i dunno how to style it. SIAN. sis say it's ugly. but wth. cant be bothered with her. i trust my hair stylist. lol. n i noe a new fren. my hair stylist, ukyo aka peter. hahas. funny guy but interestin. super 'sweet' guy ar. hahas. n he noes alot ppl seh. haha. ALAN. u're so suay my fren. LOLS. =) had chicken cutlet for dinner before headin home. but it drizzled on my way home. haha. suay. lol. but lucky thing is it's onli a drizzle not rain.

i'm down with a super terrible n irritating flu.

such disappointment.

frankly speakin, i'll onli trust ppl who trust me. suckit. cant b bothered to explain nor tok any longer. when others dun even bother, y should u care? one day u'll noe, it's hard to understand mi. one day.

n idiot berry go bite flip again. so poor thing seh. i'm gonna play wif u soon. tsk tsk.

things i blog might not concern u. seldom do i write names. so pls do not misunderstand. i say wad i feel. there's no point sayin FAKE THINGS since it's MY BLOG. juz take it as i'm havin depression or wadsoeva. i'm juz not happy wif u. 忍一时风平浪静。but i've already tolerated damn long. i'd enough. n u cant forgive n forget. so tat doesnt work. u cant solve a problem tat doesnt involve u. u'll onli make it worst. n i think i'm not going for any more klass gatherings/outings/wadeva shit u call it, with or without my darlin. sick n tired of it.






i miss my darling. nvm. i'll get to see u soon.

down with flu. =(

anyway it's nice to find someone with tonnes of similarities/common interest/similar mindset as u as long as they dun fall in love with the same person as u. HAHA. but well, u can fall in love with the same person guy as mi. BUT, u CANT, hopefully NOT, snatch my darling away from mi. NEVER can u do tat to mi coz he loves mi.. hehe.

aites. i'm seriously lackin of sleep. as u can see, i'm toking rubbish now. blah blah blahs.

喜欢你。好爱你。 =）

i wanna bite u more!!! tsk tsk. n i will. hehes. n stop bleedin. blood sucks. wahaha. cant be without u. =D

oh ya. i'm pissed. pissed off with the way u guys acted. esp yest. but yea, as if u all cared. n thanx for acting like u care.

sucha fake.

.insensitivity.

yest:

acc fiona to suntec to check out her sweater after sch. walked till damn tired. but okie lah. not bad. least we did tok. den went to orchard to find them. left our bag wif my darlin at partyworld. haha. den took some time to find them coz we went to have ice cream. nice seh. but den when found them le more sian since they've already got wad to buy in mind n bought wad they think was suitable for cs. den went to cine to eat before gettin our bags n headin home.

today:

sch's so-forever boring. mad n bernice crashed our stats lect. but i decided to pon it since i'm damn bored. walked around to waste some time. n saw shahrin. n he gave mi a choc!!! cheers~ hahas. waited for tat asshole. super slow seh. saw his fren. casey n one more guy. they tok to mi. wow. HAHA. first time leh. den he finally appeared. so slow lor. haha. so da bao chicken rice home. eat, ate, eaten. den rest den watched astroboy. HAHA. love him so damn much. *MUACKS.

n, i realised, i've become kinda dependent on him. but yea, in wadeva way, i'm still independent.

gonna get my bursary soon. so YEAH~!

my bunnies are gettin bigger n fatter. oh my goodness.

it's time to get my own thumbdrive. seems like everybody's bought it already 'cept mi. so-wadeva.

n one more thing. tat pig kop my song. ahhh! idiot. nvm. it's time he change a new phone n bwah! the song will be gone~ hopefully. hahas. blehs.

blah blah blahs. i love my darling!!! love u so damn much. muahahaha. anyway sch sux la. hahs. shall organise an outing again. hopefully since sch has started. blehs.

aites, juz something tat went thru my mind. everyone's wearin a mask, at least it appear to mi, but when are they realli gonna take it off? i mean, even if one take his/her mask, will everyone/anyone be able to accept him for him/her for her? no exactly everyone will be able to do that. some may. but there're others who cant but fake as if they can accept it.

blah blah blahs. i think wad i've said seems useless/dumb/stupid/wadeva. but yea, i dun care. who cares?